No Silver or Gold
by SecretChances
Summary: The teams POVs about Nick and how he is coping and acting around them after the coffin incident. I suck at summaries can you tell?
1. Catherine\'s POV

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. CSI belongs to Jerry Bruckheimer and Alliance Atlantic.

**Spoilers:** Grave Dangers 1&2. If you haven't seen that eppy then you might not want to read this. But it's your choice.

**Archive: **Ask first please.

**Rating:** K

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I never once thought about what it would be like without Nick. It always was apparent that he was going to be here for a while. Nothing ever happened with him. He was model CSI; a big jump from Warrick who played by his own rules.

I loved him once. 'Once' being the key word. He was always there when I was down. He picked me up piece by piece. What a burden to have on your shoulders but he made it. Made it through bad times-we had plenty-and good times-the rarer kind.

When I watched him in that box I automatically thought, oh lord he's gonna die. If he would have pulled that trigger there would be no more good times; just bad times and one emotionally crashed CSI team. I knew he was a fighter though.

Would I have fought as hard as I did if Warrick was in that box? Probably. If Nicky had won the coin toss that started this all Warrick would have been buried alive. I asked him what he would have done and he said, 'I would have pulled the trigger.' I knew he would. Warrick was weak, but he was stronger than me.

Nick-the poor guy-narrowly escaped being paralyzed and he beat death. What a fighter. He would never be the same and that has become more apparent lately. He snaps at everybody, if a bug goes near him he's in hysterics, and if a light is suddenly switched on in his presence he almost shoots it.

What will become of you Nicky?


	2. Warrick\'s POV

For all disclaimers and stuff read the first chappy.

Author is moi SecretChances. Hope you enjoy Warrick's POV.

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Nicky was like a brother to me. We would talk, have fun, joke around but now it's like forget it. You come up to talk to him, he'll snap at you saying things like, 'Damn, can't you knock?' and 'If you ever do that again I'll kill you'. It's like he's nothing but a robot that has his heart but the mentality of an alligator.

I am and was scared for him. I saw him starting to loose it, I saw him convulsing, and I almost witnessed him killing himself. I still think one side of him knows we're here to help but the other side wants nothing to do with us. We're just cut outs to him as he is to us.

Cath asked what I would have done. I flat out told her I would have killed myself. If only I was the one to get locked in there I would have saved Nick all this heartache. Being in his state of mind must be gut wrenching.

I never once have seen him cry the way he did when we found him. God, if those explosives weren't in there I would have hugged him for dear life. We had a very different reunion then planned.

'Poncho' was the only name you could call him that day. Nick just didn't register with him and today it sometimes is like that. He'll be back in the box and no one can get him to pay attention. Grissom is the only one who calls him Poncho; everyone else forces themselves to call him Nick. We don't register.

That incident was the first time I realized how cruel I was and have been to him. I was always the one that took the less 'messy' crime scenes and I made Nick take dumpster dives. Lord, have I always been this stupid and inconsiderate?

I'm so sorry Nick.


	3. Sara\'s POV

I have a lot of regrets involving Nick. I never really acknowledged him and I always pushed him around at crime scenes. I was always focused on Greg and the victims. Grissom gave me a good talking to after we pulled him out of that coffin.

He lost it almost completely and when I knew where he was I never really gave a hand digging him up. I stood there too emotion stricken to do anything. I was a stiff plastic manikin just standing there helpless.

I only watched him on that live feed once when he was being bitten by those evil little fire ants. Those nasty things left scars on his once handsome face. His figure would never be the same; just like he would never be the same.

Nick is on a never ending, loop to loop, emotional rollercoaster that just won't stop to let him off. He'll be the old Nick one minute, then snappy, evil, 'I'm fixing to kill you' Nick the next. What's going to become of him is unknown to me and the team.

Since the day I came here I had never seen him cry. Now it's not a weird thing to see. It always seems like he's going to break out in a sob. Pent up anger rages through him making tears of hate mixed with joy come to his eyes. He's loosing it now worse than when he was locked up.

Convulsions, after convulsions rack through him he says when he wants to talk. He's not the same and he never will be the same. I talked to Catherine and she thinks he'll be stuck pushing paper for a while; 'Only until the convulsions stop and he's stable,' she said. I know he never will.

Nicky I hope you get better.


	4. Greg's POV

Nick was an awesome guy until he was stuck in that confounded box. Now it's just one thing after another. Make sure he knows you're turning on a light, kill bugs before they crawl into his bubble, and call him "Poncho" when he's out of it. He's nothing now.

I think all of us played a part in him not paying attention to us. We all have mistakes we made and now we-especially me-regret them all. He knows he needs help but because of stupid mistakes he won't touch us-so to speak.

I've made him mad so many times. Now because of that he doesn't care if I know if he's alright. I've been in a predicament like his before and I know what to say but he doesn't care, he's an emotionally wired robot.

We're a split up CSI team that came together to find one of our own. When we did it was an amazing feeling. That feeling didn't last long. Explosives under the box made it heart wrenching. If we pulled him up we would all die. Not just him but all of us. God there were days I wanted to go back in time and kill the person who ever thought of explosives.

I sometimes wish it was me that was in that box instead of him. He didn't need to have this happen to him. In fact he didn't even disserve it, it just happened. I would've done what Warrick said I would have killed myself.

He has no silver, has no gold. His life is trashed and he'll never get it back. He won't try to get it back either. He's a train wreck he knows nothing anymore.

Nick you're gone but not forever.


	5. Grissom's POV

"I want my guys back," I said that to Ecklie after we found Nick alive and barely breathing. I'm glad he pulled through. Conrad gave them back, although no one knows just yet. I'm waiting for Nick to come home.

Everyone says, 'Forget him. Get a new CSI.' But I can't he's the son I never had. He's a fighter I know he is. He'll be back to normal soon. We try to help and it's working somewhat we just need his help.

Nick's the one person I can trust to hold the team together. Sara is a car wreck waiting to happen, Warrick, I know, is bound to go into gambling again, Greg won't want to go out in the field, Catherine's emotionally tired to begin with and I have to carry everyone on my coat tails even when I'm riding them with them.

The whole team is going down the tube. I can see it in their eyes. They're tired, rattled to a certain extent, and they're all scared; scared for Nicky, scared for themselves. What they would've done if they were in that coffin is known to everyone.

Nick is still a great guy. He's an exceptional CSI more like a model CSI and he goes through his rounds like he normally does. He never talks-which is odd but after that who would?-but he still goes to crime scenes and processes the hell out of them. He's still the CSI we know and love but he's not the person we know and love.

Come back Nicky.


	6. Nick's POV

**Well this is the finish of No Silver or Gold. I hope this chapter, told in Nick's POV, will live up to your standards. Enjoy!**

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I'm in that box every day. I can see myself screaming, crying, holding that gun taught on my chin wanting nothing more to just pull the trigger and end my life. I couldn't do that though. Everyone would miss me too much although I have a feeling they already miss me.

I'm not the same Nick I once was. I could tell you that. I need help like I need a hole in my head. That's my philosophy. I'm just fine in my perspective but my perspective was shot in that box. So what's fine to me may not be fine to the team.

They can't help me. They don't know what it's like to be locked in an air tight coffin waiting, just waiting to suffocate to death or waiting for the right moment to pull that trigger. I couldn't ask them for help because they've never had that happen to them.

Life is no longer all that jazz. It's a death trap waiting to happen with me right in the middle; Catherine, Grissom, Sara, Greg and Warrick on the outside watching every moment. No one would pull out of harms way.

If only Warrick was in that coffin. Oh I would've never fought for him. It was his stupid action of flipping a coin that got me in there and got me in my mentality I'm in now. The mentality of madness. Warrick would've died a slow painful death and I would be right there watching and not helping. For some reason he's responsible.

Cath told me not to think that way. 'You would have helped,' she said. You know she's probably right but now I'm not so sure. Would I have helped if anyone else was in that box? Yeah I would and that's the truth. No matter what happens.

The team is like a family to me. They saved me and they have taught me everything I know. My mind is playing tricks on me and I know they know about it. They want to talk to me but no words come.

I cry every night. Cry for my parents, the team, myself. I can't help thinking that something might happen to the team or someone in it. My parents have been through enough they don't need anything else. Same with me. If anything else happens I don't know what I would do.

God help me please!


End file.
